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MASKING OUR PAIN OF SEPARATION WITH RELATIONSHIPS

Posted by on Jan 30, 2011 in General, Happiness, Relationships, Self Help

EVER WONDER WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE SO EMOTIONALLY CHARGED?

We unconsciously use our relationships to fill the gap of separation to our Spirit.  We unknowingly feel fear of being alone, unimportant and not good enough and look to our relationships to fill those voids.

DIS-EASE….DO YOU HAVE IT?

If we were truly connected to Spirit and understood that amazing Light we all hold within us, we would not look outside of ourselves to fill any kind of “gap” because there would  not be any.  There is a very tiny “knowing”, on a more subtle and unconscious level within us, that still remembers this part of ourselves – our “God Self”.  Though buried it may be, the desire to be one with it and the fact that we are not, is what causes our “dis-ease” and sadness.

HOW WELL DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN?

Any pain we experience comes from being separate from our Source – Our Power – Our Light.  That’s when things start to get a little bit “dicey” because we misunderstand the pain.  We are depending on those special relationships in our lives to “run cover” for those missing parts of ourselves.  Nobody can do that for another.  Let me say that again…..Nobody can do that for another.  All the expectations of wanting the other person to change because, BY GOLLY… they’re just wrong and making me feel like crap, is just avoiding having to take responsibility for what you are choosing to fill your space up with.

YOU’RE UNHAPPY RELATIONSHIP IS YOUR RED FLAG!

Let me let YOU in on a little secret.  The default reaction to the most annoying, unwanted behavior of somebody else that’s in your space, that is causing you to feel sad, angry, resentful, disgusted and generally BAD, is to blame them for how it’s making you feel. Expecting them to change and to behave in a way that you feel is appropriate and that makes you feel better. THIS my friend is the RED FLAG I’m talking about.

CONTROL OF WHAT?

The feeling of being stuck and unhappy in the relationship is because no matter how hard you may try to “control” the other persons behavior, no matter how right you may think we are about why they need to change, you have absolutely no control over somebody else. There may be games that are played to try to gain the illusion of control back but it’s just that….an ILLUSION. Any of this sound familiar?

HERE’S THE “KICKER”!

You may not like what I’m about to say but if you truly want to see change in your relationship, you absolutely have to start by taking 100% responsibility for your life. Quit blaming the people in your life for why you are not happy. It’s about revisiting what IS and what IS NOT okay in your space.  Begin by noticing the things and people that FEEL good in your life and begin to identify the things and people that don’t.   Move towards the good feeling things and away from the things that make you feel bad.  This is what the beginning of taking responsibility for your life looks like.  You might think this sounds hard but living your life out feeling stuck and unhappy isn’t exactly easy, so you really have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

KNOW WHAT AN ENERGY SHIFT IS?

The good news is that often times just recognizing this and starting the process of really taking responsibility for your life will organically start to create positive change in the people around you.   I will tell you, it’s the ONLY way you have a chance to have REAL change happen within the relationship!

GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM A FRIEND!

When you’ve lived your whole life blaming others for your discomfort or misery (which most of us have), it’s often really difficult to process this idea on your own.  Seek some guidance and mentoring.  Invite close friends to support you as you start to figure out what it is you want and what is okay and what is not.  You won’t be getting too much support from the people who’ve been using you to fill their “gaps” because all of a sudden they’ll start to fall in them and they won’t like it.

HOW OLD ARE YOU?

All I can say is that life is way too short to let another person or persons have control over whether or not you get to feel happy.  Time seems to be flying by at warp speed these days and before we know it we’ll be 80 years old wondering where all the time went.  We seem to have this assumption that we have so much time to figure stuff out and we’ll get to it as some point.  The time is now.  That’ really the only time that is real.  In this moment we can choose differently to alter and shift our lives in magnificent ways.  Don’t wait.  You are far too precious to not be living your life in joy!!

Live, Love, Laugh, Sing, Share and BE HAPPY!

Love and Light!

Linda Nuss

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