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INTIMACY OR FRIENDSHIP? HOW TO HAVE BOTH!

Posted by on Dec 5, 2010 in General, Happiness, Relationships, Self Help, Soul Thoughts, Spirituality

I HAVE  FRIENDS, WHAT I WANT IS INTIMACY!

It’s come to my attention a lot lately by just observing, that most people in relationships forget the context of the relationship when it comes to their interactions with one another.  Part of what really makes things special in an intimate relationship is to FEEL special.  This naturally happens in the beginning of a relationship when the chemistry is electric and you just easily present the best of yourself.  It is really common for this energetic exchange to start to morph (very discreetly) into something quite different.  It seems to morph into “buddy type” or even “sibling” relationships.

I’M TELLING!  QUIT TEASING ME!

Here’s what I have noticed in couples who have been together for a while.  (The timeline is very relative to your own history in relationships.  It could be that it only takes one week to get very comfortable in relationship for one person and it may take one year for another.  Generally the two people in the relationship would be a match for that timeframe or it would end pretty quickly.)  Anyway, the highly charged, electric love affairs starts to slowly change.  The two may still be getting along quite well however, the dynamics shift.  There can be a bit of “teasing” the other about mistakes or short comings.  All done in good humor, mind you, but it’s “teasing” none the less.  I’ve also notice that this teasing almost always takes place in front of other people bringing up some points of annoyance that hasn’t been previously discussed.

AWKWARD!!!!

Have you ever been in that situation or been a part of that kind of interaction??  You can almost immediately feel the energy shift and defenses rise.  It’s a total drag to witness and can leave a by stander just completely silent but it’s even worse when you’re the one being “teased”.  So, then the next thing that happens is a defense statement will be shot off to the “offender” and the “offender” feels completely validated in getting off the hook by saying “I was just kidding, you are so sensitive”.  Tell me this has never happened to you.  Yup, that’s what I thought.  We’ve all been there.

DON’T LAUGH – THIS IS IMPORTANT!

Okay, I just have to throw this one in because as silly as it sounds and not the most comfortable of discussions, it must be brought up.  If you want to FEEL physically attracted to your partner and want to keep that “toasty” flame alive, SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! Do you think that…well….how do I say this??  Okay here it is – farting and burping and just being gross is going to aid in your overall attractiveness to your partner??  Now, I’m not unrealistic.   When you’re around someone a lot or live with them, it’s going to happen on occasion.  What I’m saying is try not to let it happen on purpose!  “Good Push” or the “one cheek sneek” are not allowed.  You can enjoy and laugh at your “whimsical sounds” with your “buddies” but “pimping” your partner by letting one fly under the covers is NOT a good idea!

DO YOU WANT ORDINARY OR EXTRAORDINARY?

Okay, there, I said it.  Now I know a lot of you are probably thinking “so it’s not okay to joke around and have fun?” – “I want my partner to be my best friend” yada yada yada.  I get that but trust me when I say – if you need to do those things it best to tease and be gross with your friends and your siblings and keep your intimate relationship special.  We don’t do those things in other relationships (such as work) because they simply are not appropriate, so why is the one relationship that means the most, given no regard or respect in on this subject?  Honestly, I don’t think that it gets thought about much or discussed too much and that’s why it slowly “morphs” into an ORDINARY relationship.  Nobody really thinks about it too much.  It’s not like you have to walk on eggshells either but just trying to be conscious about it will drastically help.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT – DIGEST IT OR TOSS IT OUT – YOU DECIDE

Do what you want with it.  It’s kind of ironic now that I think about it, that I titled this paragraph “digest it or toss it out”.  I swear that wasn’t on purpose! LOL  All I can say is that I have a partner who makes me feel like he adores me.  He nurtures, comforts, encourages and treats me like I’m special – always.  We’ve been together  for 12 years and I truly believe by being very aware of the things I’ve spoken about in this blog, that we’ve been able to maintain the intimacy and respect for each other, needed to keep that “toasty flame” burning!  It’s wonderful and I felt compelled to share!

As always, thanks for letting me share with all of you.  It makes life more meaningful!

Namaste!

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