Tweeter button Facebook button Technorati button Reddit button Myspace button Linkedin button Webonews button Delicious button Digg button Flickr button Stumbleupon button Newsvine button

ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES A FENCE OR A YARD?

Posted by on Dec 18, 2010 in General, Happiness, Relationships, Self Help, Spirituality

THE UGLY CIRCLE – WHERE’S THE END?

We so often hear about the necessity of setting boundaries and sticking to them in order to get the people in our lives, particularly the one we are most intimate with, to behave to our liking.  No matter how reasonable these boundaries seem to you, do you ever wonder why you are constantly disappointed that they are often disregarded?  It can feel like a “double whammy” because not only does it scream “I don’t care what YOU want” but it can leave you feeling so resentful which in turn gets projected back onto your partner/spouse.  And so it goes.  The ugly circle that seems there’s no beginning or end to.

BEWARE OF THE JUNK YARD DOG!!

I’ve got news for you.  No matter how many counselors, coaches or books you read on the subject of setting boundaries, I’ve yet to find very much available information that really delves into effective boundary setting.  You see, much of the time when we set our boundaries, it’s all about the other person abiding by them.  We have no control over anybody else but ourselves so to enforce these boundaries we set, can leave a person feeling anxious and overwhelmed.  Like a junk yard dog, guarding them and always on alert!  It’s exhausting and always puts you into a defense mode, which naturally, will manifest in some way to make sure you have a reason to be defensive.  The Universe is very supportive that way you know.  Always bringing to you what you think about or are feeling and perceiving to be true.

JUST A LITTLE “TWEAK”

So here’s the good news.  It’s just a little tweak in perception.  What if you started to look at your boundaries like a yard instead of a fence.  Meaning, start understanding what you are willing to allow in your space.  What will and will not work for you.  Mind you – this has absolutely nothing to do with ANYBODY ELSE!  This has everything to do with YOU.  It’s okay to share these things with your partner but from a place of letting them know, “hey this is what I need to feel okay, it’s up to you to decide how you feel about them and act accordingly”.  Which at this point, you allow them to be who they need to be, make their own choices about their behavior and be willing to let them “lay in the bed that they make for themselves” with those choices and behaviors.

ARE YOU OUT OF ALIGNMENT?

Hold on… You’re not off the hook yet, as you will be taking 100% responsibility for your own behaviors and choices in deciding what you will and won’t allow in your space.  Just this energy shift alone can create a huge change in the dynamic of a relationship.  By coming from this place of responsibility, you are no longer dictating to somebody else, how they need to be or behave, you simply allow and then decide if it will or will not work for you.  There’s many different ways to remove yourself from unhealthy conversations and situations but that’s a whole other blog.  The idea is to reveal the truth about yourself, your life and who you are choosing to share it with.  Many times, like I said, just the change in perception alone can organically create beautiful change a relationship, however, you will also start to see more clearly who and what is not in alignment with your highest good.

TIME TO QUIT BLAMING AND START CHOOSING!!

This isn’t about being “right” while the other is “wrong”.  It’s about supporting the things that you need in order to be happy and being willing and having the courage to let go of things and relationships that have come full circle.  This is about honoring the union of that relationship and the lessons it brought and being able to let it go if it is not serving the highest good of both people.  This is a really good way to become aware of whether or not you’re “guard dogging”, not just your intimate relationship, but all of your relationships.

CHOOSE WISELY!

Sharing energy with people should be a very conscious choice.  Relationships are the best tool to learn about ourselves and reflect back to us those things we rarely know are their within us.  Choosing to be aware of the dynamics in any relationship can be the fastest way to start the journey of self love and deep connection to the amazing Power we all have within us.

CHECK OUT ALL THE FREE GIFTS!

Just click the “Great Resources” at the top of the page and indulge!!

 

Also make sure you follow me on FaceBook:  www.facebook.com/linda.nuss.lightmeup and check the LIKE!